i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
