i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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