Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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