you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
