I just saw a hot homeless man
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
