He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
