he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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