Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
