if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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