you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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