Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize