Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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