apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Alive.
So much puke
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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