you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
