i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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