There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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