also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
