We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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