I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
