so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Found the puke drawer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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