are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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