just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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