I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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