I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
