Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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