Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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