Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There's always time for handjobs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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