But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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