Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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