We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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