yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
