I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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