and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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