This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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