before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
