hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
