Pappa wants mamma naked
im holly from the hills drunk
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize