so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I believe in your delicious
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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