I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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