I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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