i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
