Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
This house was built for laser tag.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
