I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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