I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
