My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
