i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
they need to just BURY HIM!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
