so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
