the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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