went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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