ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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