Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
