what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
