weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
