In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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