His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
