I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I AM VODKA MAN
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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