All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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